i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
