that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
