You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
