she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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