Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
