I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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