I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
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Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
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The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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