The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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