Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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