booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
