I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
