Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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