I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
