Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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