had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
