new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
