Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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