Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
