I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
