There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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