It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
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I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
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How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
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