wake up i wanna do it froggy style
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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