I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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