I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
