The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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