Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
