So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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