I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
