you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
