well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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