i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
