Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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