please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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