I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We don't watch enough power rangers
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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