that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
