I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
