Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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