I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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