Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
