sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize