i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Still dying that you shit outside
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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