I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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