i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
only you would photoshop your dick
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
