I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
