Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
