i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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