i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
