Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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