I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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