I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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