3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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