fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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