who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
