Nicole vs. Life
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
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Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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