they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
