at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize