I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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