I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
