Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
