is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
