I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
