I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
