one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
