using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
