you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
