I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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