5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
