1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
