We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
