he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
