You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
