i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
