i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
